I walked five miles today, weaving in and out of the cobblestone streets of this new city I will call home over the next two months. I wasn’t going anywhere deliberate but, metaphorically, I was definitely going somewhere necessary. I was going somewhere with, by and for myself.
Walking around Charleston completely alone, I felt this overwhelming sense of pride. I was proud of myself for breaking up with the most toxic relationship I’ve ever been stuck in – the comfort zone.
I’ve always been fiercely independent. My parents have told me that from a young age. I did homework and school projects myself, I started making my own money when I was old enough to, and I have always loathed asking for help (one of my toxic traits that I’m working on). But, in recent years, as life has begun to change in different, drastic ways, dependency has creeped up on me. While I’m still independent in the ways I was before, I have grown dependent on others, seeking attention, love, fulfillment, joy and reassurance. Receiving those things from others is wonderful, but I need to start giving more of them to myself.
Now, I’m on my own in a new city where I know absolutely no one and am forced to spend all the time in the world with one person – me. Over the past week, I’ve grown to like me a lot. Quite frankly, I’ve kicked this whole ‘alone’ thing’s ass. This week has been thrilling yet terrifying. I’m completely dependent on myself for entertainment, comfort and enjoyment.
One of the biggest things I’ve tackled this week is eating at restaurants by myself. “Table for one” has reluctantly rolled off my tongue, but, as I sat alone in a busy pizzeria on Friday night, watching families laughing and couples holding hands, I felt free. During this new time in my life, I am free to be whoever I want to be. Completely and utterly myself.
I am nowhere near my comfort zone, but I am enjoying every second of this uncomfortable, awkward, exciting moment in my life. This summer has been and will be incredibly uncomfortable, but I will grow more than I can even fathom.
So, if you are thinking about taking a leap into uncomfortable territory, I urge you to do it. Break up with that comfort zone!
If I didn’t take this opportunity to move out of state, away from everyone I know and love, I would always have wondered ‘what if.’ Now that I’m here, I know this is exactly where God intended for me to be. This is what I needed.
Goodbye, comfort zone. I won’t be needing you anymore.
Comments