Senior year of college is a like a bag of colorful marbles. I swoosh the bag around and pick one out. Sometimes I grab the deepest, matte black; sometimes bright, shiny yellow. And, most of the time, I never quite know which I’m going to grab.
Here’s a little bit of how my past week has gone:
THURSDAY: Lord, MAKE IT STOP.
FRIDAY: Eh, this isn’t too bad. Should I go to grad school?
SATURDAY: I love Florida football, but I really can’t wait until I never have to spend another weekend doing homework ever again.
SUNDAY: School? What’s school?
MONDAY: Oh. This is school. Help, I can’t breathe.
TUESDAY: Yup, failed that test. Two more months until no more exams EVER.
The days, they flip flop. I’ve always loved being a student – it’s what I know best. I used to think I could do this school thing forever. Forget a job! Give me a textbook.
But… now I am burnt out. Even opening Canvas seems like an accomplishment, never mind studying for tests and dragging myself to class. The thought of doing this for six more weeks is excruciating. However, at the same time, the thought of only six more weeks of school, ever (maybe?), makes me emotional and nervous.
I’ve been in school for almost two whole decades – almost my ENTIRE life. The only life I have ever known involves school. Something no one really prepared me for is what comes next. Who am I if I’m not a student?
Sure, a job is what comes next, but that adjustment is going to be a rude awakening. Jobs and internships have always been intertwined with school, either taking place during or between semesters. Never has there been a time where school is just… over. And the job just… isn’t.
As my last semester of college starts to draw to a close, I have been reflecting on what I have done and what I would like to do. How do I want my life to look after graduation? It’s a loaded question and one I’m not quite sure how to answer yet. But I’m hopeful the answers will come.
Even more importantly, I’ve come to the realization that this is my life. I plan to live it for me. So, when it comes down to these big, next-step decisions, what I want and what makes me happy is what I plan to do.
While I don’t know what comes next, my biggest question as a graduating senior remains – where do I go from here?
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